A reader asks:
Hey Athena, what does it mean pyschologically if i have a desire to watch my wife have sex with other men…whats wrong with me that makes me a cuck?
Athena
Advice Columnist for Devin Olson Magazine
Certified bedroom myth-buster, Athena is your go-to sex advice columnist with a knack for turning awkward questions into empowering, no-BS conversations. When she’s not writing about orgasms and open communication, she’s probably testing lube viscosity like it’s a science fair project. She loves science.
Athena: You’re asking a really personal and complex question, and it’s brave of you to want to explore “why?” Wanting to watch your partner have sex with others — often referred to as cuckolding or part of a broader category like hotwifing — can have different meanings psychologically depending on the individual and context.
Listen, if you’re fantasizing about your wife getting absolutely railed by another guy while you sit in the corner — congrats, you’ve unlocked one of the wildest (and surprisingly common) levels of sexual curiosity.
Before you start googling “Is my brain broken?” — let’s break it down, dirty-style.
1. It’s the Forbidden Fruit, Baby
Our brains are weird little sex goblins. They love the taboo. The idea of your partner doing the horizontal tango with someone else hits the “jealousy” button, the “danger” button, and the “oh no he didn’t” button — and guess what? That chaos cocktail is hot to some people.
2. Submissive Vibes and Ego Death (in a Good Way)
This kink often lives rent-free in the minds of people who get off on submission. Maybe watching your wife get wrecked while you’re powerless is your kind of kryptonite. It’s not about being weak — it’s about letting go of control and diving headfirst into a sea of ego-melting filth.
3. Voyeurism with a Plot Twist
Let’s be honest: some people just like watching. But instead of porn strangers, it’s your wife — the woman you adore — getting her back blown out. That’s voyeurism with emotional stakes and a hell of a plot twist.
4. Compersion (aka, “She’s Moaning and I’m Vibing”)
There’s this crunchy hippie word called compersion, which basically means getting turned on by your partner’s pleasure. If you’re genuinely happy seeing her lit up like a Christmas tree by another dude, that might be your emotional kink kicking in.
5. Self-Esteem Stuff (But Not Always Sad!)
Sometimes these fantasies come from insecurities or feeling “not enough.” But not always! For some, it’s about exploring the messier corners of their mind — not because they’re broken, but because they’re freaky and fabulous.
Bottom line? You’re not broken, perverted, or alone. You’re just a red-blooded human with a spicy brain and maybe a kink or two. What matters most is that it’s consensual, respectful, and everyone’s on board — especially the one getting all the cardio.
This kind of fantasy is more common than you might think, and it doesn’t automatically signal a problem. The important part is how it affects your relationship, how it’s communicated, and whether both partners are comfortable
Would you say this is more of a fantasy for you, or are you interested in pursuing it in real life? Hit me up in the comments if you want to talk more.