Athena
Advice Columnist for Devin Olson Magazine
Certified bedroom myth-buster, Athena is your go-to sex advice columnist with a knack for turning awkward questions into empowering, no-BS conversations. When she’s not writing about orgasms and open communication, she’s probably testing lube viscosity like it’s a science fair project. She loves science.
Have you ever found yourself mid-makeout, thinking, “What if they just smacked my butt like I owed them rent?” Don’t worry. You’re not broken — you’re just kinky, and honestly? We love that for you.
Welcome to the wonderful world of impact play — where your safe word is gospel, your aftercare is sacred, and your sex life gets a five-star Yelp review from your inner freak.
So, you wanna be spanked. Or you wanna do the spanking. Either way: let’s talk about how to go from mild vanilla latte to double-shot espresso with a whip on top. Here’s everything you need to know before you get down to pound-town (consensually, of course).
Impact Play 101: Slap Happy & Safe
Impact play is the spicy art of getting (or giving) smacked, paddled, or otherwise gently walloped in the name of pleasure. This can range from a playful tap on the tush to a full-blown “Yes, sir, may I have another?” moment.
But here’s the catch: it’s not freestyle MMA. You can’t just start throwing hands and call it kinky. Impact play is a consensual, pre-negotiated dance of sensation, power, and trust. Without boundaries? It’s not sexy — it’s a lawsuit.
First Things First: The Awkward (But Necessary) Talk
Before you unleash your inner Domme/Daddy/Swat-Team Commander, you must have the Talk™. Yes, it’s a mood-killer. Yes, it’s non-negotiable. No, you can’t just “see how it goes.” We’re not in a rom-com, sweetie.
Tips to make it smoother than silk panties:
- Open with curiosity:
“So, random question… ever thought about spanking? Asking for a very enthusiastic friend.” - Be clear but playful:
“I think getting spanked would totally short-circuit my brain in the best way possible. Wanna try it sometime?” - Respect their answer:
“No” means no. “Maybe” means research. “YES” means buckle up, baby.
Beginner Toybox Essentials (AKA “Spank Me Gently, I’m New Here”)
Ready to build your sexy arsenal? Here are your must-haves, curated for newbies with style and sass:
1. Your Hands
The original, the classic, the never-goes-out-of-style spank tool. Start here. It’s free, built-in, and great for gauging reactions. Plus, nothing says “intimacy” like a perfectly timed palm-to-booty smack.
2. Silicone Spanking Paddle
Soft but snappy. Won’t leave a mark unless you really want to. Bonus points if it’s heart-shaped because you’re cute and dangerous.
3. Feather Tickler + Flogger Combo
Soft… then stingy. Sensation play is the gateway drug of kink. Stroke with the feather, follow up with a light flog, and boom — your partner’s brain short-circuits in ecstasy.
4. Mini Crop
For the drama queens and kings who like a little flair. A riding crop says, “I read smutty fanfic and I learned a thing or two.”
5. Vibrating Paddle
Yes. It exists. Yes, it’s amazing. A paddle and a vibrator had a baby and gave it to you for your birthday. You’re welcome.
Bonus Round: Aftercare Kit
Include: cozy blanket, snacks (hi, gummy bears), water, and a “You Were So Brave” gold star sticker. Aftercare is not optional. It’s the post-credits scene of kinky play. Show up for your partner and for yourself.
Safety, But Make It Sexy
- Safe word = Mandatory
Try the traffic light system (green/yellow/red) or get weird with it. “Pineapple.” “Rutabaga.” “BEYONCÉ.” - Aim wisely
Think: butt, thighs, maybe shoulders. Avoid kidneys, spine, or anything you wouldn’t want to fall on drunk. - Start sloooow
Warm-ups are key. You wouldn’t cannonball into a hot tub, right? Same rules apply.
But What If It’s Awkward?
Good news: it will be awkward. You’re trying something new! You might laugh. You might accidentally hit your partner’s hip bone and immediately apologize like you committed war crimes. That’s okay. Laugh. Adjust. Try again.
Kink isn’t about performance — it’s about play. The more you let go of the idea of being “good” at it, the more fun you’ll have.
Final Thoughts: Spank With Love
Impact play isn’t about punishment — it’s about pleasure, power, and trust. If you do it right, it can be one of the most intimate and electrifying things you explore together. If you do it wrong… well, that’s what safe words and awkward apologies are for.
So go on — grab that paddle, say your safe word three times in the mirror like Beetlejuice, and prepare to enter your certified baddie with a bruised booty era.
Just don’t forget the aftercare snacks. Seriously. You’ll be emotionally raw and craving Goldfish crackers. Don’t ask why — it’s science.
